


It's a Pug Life

by solarift



Category: Kingsman, Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Cute, General, Hartwin if you reallllyy squint, M/M, Puppy training
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-17
Updated: 2015-06-17
Packaged: 2018-04-04 19:05:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4149399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solarift/pseuds/solarift
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Candidate Eggsy Unwin figures out why they got the task of taking care of their puppies (but not really). Merlin gets pranky while Arthur's away but really just wants to get his work done, and Percival shows up for absolutely no reason at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's a Pug Life

Eggsy has seen some seriously blinding shit being part of Kingsman even in the short amount of time that’d passed since he’d joined. And one day he’d been watching Daisy playin’ with J.B. and the idea struck him of why they’d been given puppies to train…

The next day Eggsy’d gone straight into Merlin’s office and proudly sat J.B. right in front of the Scottish bloke’s annoyed face. 

Merlin looked at the dog on his desk with distaste as the wee bitty thing wiggled and wobbled around, slobbering about on some very important documents. He arched a critical brow at Eggsy in irritated question. 

“So?” Eggsy nodded excitedly toward the happy pug. “When’s he start ‘is training?”

“ _Excuse_ me”, Merlin said to the pug as it sat directly on top of Merlin’s hand. He fixed Eggsy with another look and asked, “Training for wot exactly?”

“’is training to become a spy dog o’ course! Tha’s why you had us choose a puppy innit? So as they grew up we’d teach them to be obedient and when the time come they’d become, like, our partners? Like ‘Hit that switch, JB!’ so he’d release me were i tied up, hangin u’side down or sumfin like that, right?”

Merlin breathed harshly through his nose. If he didn’t squash this absurd assumption right now the boy would never leave him alone and he’d never get his work done. So in order to get the boy out of here with minimal explanation (read: none. None would be given at all. Merlin really didn’t have time right now to explain to Eggsy why he couldn’t have his wee puppy as his missions partner) the Scot decided to humor the young agent until further explanation could be given. “…Right. _That_ training. I’d say it should start right now. First by gettin’ him off me desk.”

Eggsy picked the pug up and then Merlin had both master and dog staring at him excitedly. He was too old to deal with this shit. Besides, the agent that oversaw the candidates and their puppies was assigned to… Arthur… Merlin grinned as wickedly as his facial muscles would allow.

Oh yes, Merlin knew this would come back to bite him in the ass later but he really, really couldn’t resist it now that he remembered Harry would have to explain to Eggsy that he couldn’t have J.B. as his sidekick spy puppy dog.

Speaking of which, young Bors was giving him a look. “Uh, Merlin? Your face is doing something bonkers. Are you having a stroke?”

Let no one say Merlin wasn’t a magnanimous man as he let that jab at his age slide and instead refocused Eggsy’s ( ~~rather offensive~~ ) concern to his dog. “Well then, why don’t you and J.B. both start by jogging round the property, that’ll teach him endurance and… other spy dog things only his kind of breed are keen to.”

Without a second though Eggsy ran out with J.B. as Merlin bit his lips to contain his glee.

Yes, this would _surely_ come back to haunt him but curse him it entertained him immensely, especially the next day when Harry came back from his conference with the other heads of Kingsman branches from around the world. Merlin nearly kicked his feet up in dance at the look crossing over his friends face as Harry slowly walked up to Merlin, finally pausing to openly stare at the sight before them across the vast lawn.

Harry began carefully, “Merlin, why are Eggsy and J.B. hanging from a tree-”

“Just let it ‘appen, Arthur,” Merlin shushed him.

They watched on as Eggsy hung upside down with J.B. in his lowered arms, swinging the pup back and forth in four movement intervals… with a spoon carefully balancing an egg between the young agents lips.

“Good job, Eggsy, J.B.! You’ll be ready for the next phase soon!” Merlin yelled out to them, making a fist and throwing it up in the air in pseudo-encouragement that was really just a nod toward his own shits and giggles.

At Harry’s considering glance, Merlin was unable to hold it in any longer. “He thinks he’s training his poppy to become his spy dog partner.”

Harry sighed running a hand over his face exasperated yet chuckling lowly. “He’s going to be upset with you, Merlin.”

“He’ll get over it.”

“There’s always one that gets that idea every batch for as long as I can remember,” Percival said out of nowhere.

“Where the fuck did you come from!” Merlin barely contained his surprise at the sudden appearance of the stoic agent.

“Please Merlin, I’ve been here the whole time.”

Merlin throws a quick glance at Harry to see if the sneaky bugger’s telling the truth; Harry only nods absently, gaze still fixed over at the odd spectacle named Eggsy, while Percival smirks and raises a challenging eyebrow.

“Ya cheeky-” Merlin mumbles before giving up on figuring the ever elusive Percival out; he’s always been uncomfortably quiet and lurker-like.

“Is this truly the first time one of the current candidates has inquired about why they have their dog other than training it?”  Percival wonders aloud to no one in particular.

“Yeh, so far he’s the only one,” the Scot murmured.

“If I recall correctly,” Percival began,”the person to ask about it 17 years ago was Lee Unwin, Bors’ father, I assume? Though I have to wonder, before that, who in your group asked about it, Merlin?” Percival said with a twinkle in his eye, and in his own strange way, giving Merlin a bit of cannon fodder to steer in Harry’s direction.

Merlin grinned before doing his absolute best impression of Harry Hart’s younger, posher (if you can believe it) accent from all those years ago. “ _‘Oh Merlin! I’ve just heard the best news! Agent Bors told me Mr Pickle’ll become a spy dog!_ ’“

“I said no such thing, and I don’t sound like that,” Harry corrected, eyes narrowed but his attention now back on his colleagues instead of the boy out in the yard. 

“You did so, I remember. I think Eggsy’ll forgive me if I tell him about that particular incident.”

Harry stared at his friend in a reprimanding way before smiling threateningly, hissing, “You do that and I’ll tell Percival and Bors how you really lost your hair. _Stress_ my arse.”

Merlin turned red as Harry and Percival walked away toward the mansion chortling with one another.

**Author's Note:**

> The poor Scot had a bleaching accident. And Eggsy forgives Merlin once Harry tells him the story. Check out my other fics here or at tumblr (solarrift).


End file.
